My Paramour
by Viburnum
Summary: But Love doesn't come so easily! Damn those fictional hogwash! she screamed. Granger shut it, you aren't the only one who mistook certain attractions as love. I bet you understand everything Draco! No Hermione! he hugged her, But I want to...


Falling out of love isn't an easy thing. Falling in love isn't as easy either. The concept is supposed to be attraction. But, how can it only be so? I sit here looking at my paramour; and, though I was happy once, I'm not anymore. I feel wretched, suffocated, and unlikely to go on. I know that 'unlikely to go on bit' is transitory but it so painful! Looking at him makes me think: though I would get jealous if he dated someone else and would feel bad if he didn't talk to me I know that this is just a possessive state of mind, a confused dependency that has grown out of habitual correspondence: the bits of love that did exist has surrendered to apocalypse long ago.

I look into his eyes – they are dreaming, distant and I see myself abandoned in there – but these are my own feelings projected as illusionary, hallucinated holograms in his eyes.

I do not know what he thinks.

I feel so nauseated now.

Will our friendship end if our romance does?

Will you Hermione Granger take Ronald Weasly to be your lawfully wedded husband?

_Nein_.

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Easiest things to do:

1. Lie

2. Fuck

3. Fuck Again

4. Lie Again

5. Feel All Great

6. Feel All Mad and Miserable

7. Feel like you're gonna vomit

She surreptitiously strokes my skin, hair and private pleasurable organ: and I moan. Her teasing lingering tongue drapes me in echoes of lust, she whispers them cautiously, heavily in my ear and I find arousal _easily_.

We mate as animals in the wilderness, frenzied, out of control and totally possessed by the masked creature living as a separate in our own bodies. Then afterwards misery takes the creature's place.

I hate, I'm so tired. Lying to this girl infuriates me. I am the spawn of a demon who promises me his brothel if I can damage the naïve.

_Naïve_ is not a word describable to the character Pansy Parkinson but…she does think I'm a secure choice.

She doesn't love me.

She dotes over me.

Yes, unfortunately, at times there is a difference.

'Cause mothers can also dote on things: a fucked-up reference I know.

She thinks I'll be with her

I'm starting to think even this façade will crumble; this isn't permanent. It nature laughs at me telling how easy it could crumble.

Will you Draco Malfoy try to right this?

I'm not used to doing right things so –

- I don't know.

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" Ron, I hope you would stop reading that."

It is unfortunately an order. I'm not this bossy.

" Mione the Chudley Channuns won!"

" The world is more than Quidditch."

Ron looks wearily, " Are you ok?"

" Ron I…" not saying it will destroy me, it's ok to be selfish here, " …I think this can never work out."

He clutches my hand softly, " What can't baby?"

I slowly press my own upon his tender touch, my hand removes his and then creates a more tender touch, " Us, Ron I've tried…we are just not…working…"

I remove, drop his hand but he immediately grasps, " What are you saying?"

" This…I realized our relationship isn't possible **anymore**."

" Hermione, we have been with each other for four years!" he exclaims, " Doesn't that count for anything!"

" No, Ron, it does count for everything." I smile painfully, " I realized our love is passionate friendship, it can't be true love."

" Why not!" he grew impatient, " We have differences but we'll get through them."

" No Ron that is the problem because there is no 'we' you know," it was painful, " **I** **don't want to fix them or even try to, you do but not me**."

" Is it Viktor?" he looked angry now, " Do you want to go back to him?"

" No Ron," I was quietly explanatory in my own angle, " Viktor is not my choice."

" There has to be someone else then!" He was in the verge of tears, " There has to someone else for whom you are abandoning me for!"

" No Ron," I carefully touch his shoulder, " This isn't about some secret paramour, it's about us."

" Well, Us, has just ended right." He demanded me to clarify, he looked incited.

"No Ron, it has not," I slowly utter it, " We still have our friendship."

" FUCK FRIENDSHIP!" Ron got up and threw away the Newspaper, " FUCK YOU! FRIENDS DON'T FUCK YOU SIDEWAYS! WE'RE THROUGH!"

He left.

I cried.

Out of Sadness

Out of Happiness

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I've been hooked to Revolutionary Girl Utena lately so the terminologies of Apocalypse are inspirations of that anime, Du Hast by Rammstein also an inspiration and MY FRIENDS. I hope you liked the chappie.

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